Transpiration

Is transpiration a word? I guess so it wasn’t autocorrected. Lol.

So recently I’ve been trying this new affirmation method out. I learned it from an interview that Tom Billeau? I never know how to spell his name lol, he’s the dude who started impact theory. Very good show if y’all ain’t seen it yet. Highly recommend if your looking for some inspiring conversations with high performing minds and humans of today. Anyway so Tom interviews this dude named Brendon Bruchard and one of the things he mentioned to do was to set 3 repeating alarms, one at 10 am, one at 3pm, and one at like 7pm… well iono if that’s the exact times but those are the times that I set my repeating alarms at.

So when you set these alarms, you can label them! So I labeled my 10 am one, “be creative, be gracious, show gratitude” and my 3 pm one, “keep pushing forward, love yourself, treat your body like a temple” and then I have my 7pm alarm saying ” write a poem, write a blog entry”, these will change inevitably, but I suppose it’s a start. So I’m sitting here at Starbucks reading a booklet called the self publishing blueprint and my 7pm alarm goes off, so here I am actually following through with the alarm! I’ve had these set for the past four days or so, but I haven’t written a blog post or poetry in all four of those days!

Oops, I was always either in the car driving or doing something where I couldn’t just sit still and write a lengthy blog post or ponder on words to paint on a page for a poem. Recently I went to an open mic called Recess in LA, (and I got a phone call from a friend so I completely lost my train of thought.) Recess is dope though, I always meet some inspiring people every time I roll through. Dopest poets and artists man I swear. I met this guy named Ford and we swapped info, now he sends me a poem everyday and it’s mad inspiring.

Oh I remembered what I was gonna say, so I met Ford and a woman named Emily? Was it Emily? Her poet name is emdashery, but they told me that I should write without stressing on rhyming the words so much, so I guess I will try that today. (What have I got to lose?)

Have you guys ever struggled with overcoming something in your lives? Maybe it was spending too much time on Netflix watching those awesome shows, maybe it was eating junk food, smoking cigarettes/vapes, gambling, or just doing too much of something? Well I’ve been working on overcoming what seems to me, my last real vice. I can’t say that it’s hard, because to be honest it’s as easy as a snap of a finger, you just decide to do something else, develop a good habit and create a whole routine of good habits that just take over all the bad habits we’ve engrained into ourselves over years of previous programming.

This is a lot easier said than done at first. But once you have an awesome routine, (routine is key by the way) you no longer feel “bored” because your steadily progressing toward a better version of yourself. You know one thing that’s been a huge puzzle for me is helping those who come to me with issues going on in their life. My friends will call me with some drama and seek an ear.

But I think I’ve been getting a bit impatient and I stop listening emphatically, and start coming up with solutions right away for them. It’s just kind of baffling for me especially when it’s the same friend with the same puzzle, yet even when we have long drawn out conversations about solutions and processes that might solve the issue at hand, your friend doesn’t do anything about it. Then a week or two weeks later they call or you guys hang out, and they have the same old puzzle.

I think it was Einstein who said “insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result.” Relevant af. I think I over reacted on a conversation because I got fed up with the same drama being brought to me. I just have faith that maybe I could be the voice of reason and help them out of the funk that they are currently going through. You know what I mean? But my ego jumped to an irritated state and I got so tired of the same record playing that I confronted my friend with some ultimatums, and maybe I shouldn’t have been so upfront and blunt by asking them to really take a good long look at themselves, that working on themselves is the only solution ! Somewhere along those lines.

Oh well, guess I just gotta let it go. I think I read somewhere that your circle has to decrease in size and increase in value.

I feel like my words have little to no merit because I don’t have immediate results. But as I continue on the path to the best version of myself, I will sculpt these results and once I can come back to my friends who may or may not be doing the same old things, maybe once I have the results I can convince them then. Who knows? Is it even worth it? I believe most people on this planet deserve a better self awareness and progression in creativity.

T.D. Jakes said this once “We were CREATED, by the CREATOR, to be CREATIVE.” When I heard this on his podcast, I really had to rewind it like 5 times lol. I wholeheartedly believe in this.

So I’m gonna try to write a free verse poem without rhyming .

I will name this poem:

“Tiné”

Every time I get bored, I think of you.

My body craves you after a few hours go by,

So many memories we’ve spent together

Only for you to end up in the trash.

And only for me to end up feeling trashed.

The first moments are always joyous.

Leaving me feeling light headed and in a temporary state of bliss

Your kiss is always fleeting and always leaving me wanting more as the days go by

Every time I see someone else embraced with your certain death

My brain goes wild and soon I start to reminisce.

Even as I write this poem I think of you.

My body lights up with an anxious and ambivalent feeling.

It’s a dirty feeling I hate it but I love it.

Universe

Her eyes lit up my soul like the northern lights, before I met her, my life was a morbid sight, now I bask in the blanket of her warmest vibes, my heart gallops like the way horses ride, I’m lit up like a couple planets as their core’s collide, BOOM, I’m lost in the labyrinth of her eyes its like I need a tourist guide, to navigate through that beautiful forest of a mind, finding the courage to align, my eyes with hers, my soul is perched on a tree branch inside of her cortex, connecting \with each synapse poses a question, where will my soul, soar next? She fills up every void, every orifice of my heart that used to be dormant, when she speaks it permeate my being like a church organ, inner spirits dance to the cadence of her beating heart against mine, flooding me with so much love and encouragement, I can only take it in small portions, otherwise I might kiss the ground and forfeit, my posture, my balance, she leaves me like wet noodles against the torrent, of enormous Tsunamis crashing down to create ripples of love to diminish any torment, within me,

Magnanimous is her aura as she speaks the language of growth the size of jack’s bean stalk, creating a ladder of peace and ascension too help me battle with the demons of mediocrity, NEVER HAVE I EVER, found a love so pure, so kind, so understanding, and so PATIENT, allowing me to be the most inspiring, creative and courageous, person that I can be to cure the toxic derangement of those still asleep and chasing the false image of perfection or those fleeing from arraignment of what it means to have a certain “image” creating self-doubt, limitations and the consumption of beauty products to look like a certain “lineage”, but let me digress back to the natural beauty of her soul,

she constantly reminds me to relinquish the evil ego, she rises up as the sun to bring warmth and light to all my beautiful peoples, enlightening through her silence, when we meditate to elevate and appreciate the vibrance of her nature, blowing kisses of inspiration that flows from my mind rhythmic as a river into the pen and onto this piece of paper, raining though bubbles that accost troubles, she sparks my curiosity enough then to solve puzzles, she brings new challenges and growth that I once to see as struggles, what used to be a tug o war is now positive energy activating constant elevation. peace. She is the refreshing feeling of a breeze, on a hot summer day, she is the feeling of self love and the ability to achieve, anything that you believe, she is whispering about a seed, planted that sprouts into a dream manifested into reality that can feel freeing, she is the calm between storms, and whole plants being reborn, when she breathes fire from within her deep core, she is the oldest and truest love lasting through terraforms and maelstroms and even when meteors are thrown lighting up the atmosphere, her capacity for love is much more than all the galaxies combined to bring the whole human cast to tears, she is the stars the moon the stratosphere and the heavens combined, she is all the zodiac signs aligned in the vast expanse of space coming through like a super nova she is super karmic when her sutras hold ya, she is everything known and everything unknown, wait who is she?

First Stumbling Block

Today I’m sitting at Dot’s Cafe. Absolutely clueless on what I’m doing with this blog by the way. I’m sure maybe a lot of people have felt the same way as me while starting to find and really build whatever it is that their passionate about. For me, its a lot of things. Currently though I guess there are more pressing matters at hand, like surfing the world of downtown Pasadena for a JOB (just over broke) to keep my bills paid (x__x). I was previously employed at Huy Fong Foods Inc, and for those who don’t know what that is, its the company that makes that popular hot sauce named Sriracha. You know that red bottle with the bright green cap.

Yeah, so funny thing, I was sitting at a Starbucks and I forgot what I was doing, probably doing social media related stuff, or reading a book or something and I got a call from this guy named John whom I had met at my job when I was working at Mcdonald’s. So, John offered me a job as a sales representative at this Hyundai Dealership! I was super excited and totally accepted on the spot, anyway right after I got off the phone with him, literally 10 seconds later I get a call from the Temp Agency in charge of my assignment and I was told that my assignment was over. SOOOOO here I am sitting at this coffee shop without a job and a new job offer. Bank account at like 200$ which was already accounted for because my car payment is 200$ every 2 weeks… so basically 0$. (luckily I had a last check which was 279$ so it put me up for a bit, but currently I’m back down to 67$ LOL)

So things didn’t work out with the Hyundai dealership, turns out I wasn’t fit for the team. Oh well, John was kind of flakey anyway… which I’m actually kind of glad I didn’t end up with him for a boss, even though he may have been an amazing friend. Doing my best to align my actions with my words, doesn’t exactly mean the world will align as well probably? Though I do believe that you attract more of who you are and what you think into your life, so its just as well that I didn’t get that job. I then just went with my instinct and drove to downtown Pasadena and went job hunting for the rest of the day and walked into a bunch of upscale restaurants. Sushi Roku actually asked me to come back for an interview right on the spot! The only restaurant that did ask for me to come back for an interview that day. AND!!! I would have never found this awesome spot named Dots Cafe.

I met Diana and Ron here, and didn’t even realize that Diana was one of the managers, anyway as I was starting this blog and making a post on instagram she came up to me and gave me her card and showed interest in hiring me to be a part of her team! I was amazed lol. I would love to work here actually if Sushi Roku’s vision doesn’t align with mine! Or maybe even I can work out a schedule where I work with Dots Cafe in the morning time a few days a week plus this Sushi Roku place! That would be UH MAY ZING!~ I need to memorize better synonyms for that word. SO THUS ENDS THE FIRST BLOG POST. DID I DO OK?

So to close off I’ll leave a piece with ya’ll I wrote this because a friend of mine called me and was in tears, and she was so upset and sad because of the relationship that she was in was debilitating and destroying her spirit. I offered some advice because I asked her at the beginning of the conversation if she just wanted an ear, someone to really listen, or if she wanted advice. She said she wanted some advice and so we talked for a while and the conversation wasn’t really going anywhere anytime soon. So the conversation ended abruptly because she had to go. So my emotions were like flying all the over the place, I had to write a piece. I called this Hadie’s Grip.

Hadies Grip

imprisoned by the vicelock of hadies grip, talking about how sad she is lately pissed, she said he loves her but has a way of being a shady dick, abusive physically and emotionally in this toxic relationship, I told her to pack your things and hastily dip, she said yeah I know but it’s not that easy, I still gotta take care of these kids,

I said what about your family can’t they provide a hive for your tribe instead of looking for a way to be lit? Why does Thoughts of suicide and gettin high be the vibe that allows you to forget? She said her family doesn’t want anything to do with her because she won’t leave the guy that she’s with, and he provides enough money for her to get by but it stresses her out so she gotta be high to resist, meanwhile she’s so mortified by the man that’s supposed to be a source of love he turned the womans thought process into a vile fearful skit, and when her ego speaks it makes the bile within me twitch, because once upon a while she was an amazing beautiful gift, a blip of a once beautiful soul held inside of a self induced crypt,

imprisoned by the vicelock of hadies grip, talking about how sad she is lately pissed, she said he loves her but has a way of being a shady dick, abusive physically and emotionally in this toxic relationship, I told her to pack her things and hastily dip, she said yeah I know but it’s not that easy, I still gotta take care of these kids.

She said she was on the verge of suicide and that she cried evenings by herself with a bottle of wine drinking till she’s sick, she said it’s so hard to get a grip and She’s so lonely she need some kind of fix, I said why don’t do you surround yourself with some more positive shit? Read a book, take a hike, write down some feelings that you got inside and develop some penmanship ? She said “I know I know I know” and continued talking about how shitty her life was and she wish she could just quit, feeling the way she does because she just wanted to work out the kinks in this relationship, and then she hung up and texted me quick, she said he’s back and don’t call or text me back and thank you for taking me away from my trip,

imprisoned by the vicelock of hadies grip, talking about how sad she is lately pissed, she said he loves her but has a way of being a shady dick, abusive physically and emotionally in this toxic relationship, I told her to pack her things and hastily dip, she said yeah I know but it’s not that easy, I still gotta take care of these kids.

There was so much more I wanted to say about the situation like ease up and take it slow, that there was a way to stitch up the soul , that’s broken and cradled by her ego, I wanted to mention all the different ways to build a positive lifestyle through association and growth, through artistry and characters like mr Edgar Allen Poe, that drowning in all them chemicals, is just temporarily filling up all them holes, that chemicals corrode and evaporate and leave you with a bigger hole, allowing only change in the state of your body and mind in intervals. Inhibiting true growth through spiritual pinnacles, like elevating through meditation abolishing perceptions of the cynical, to deviate from the fleeting caress of substances commonly mistaken as a mineral, as death inches closer like a giant tentacle…

Imprisoned by the vice lock of hadies grip, enamored by the song of a crazy script, she wants out but is too far into this hazy trip, she wants out but it’s too much effort to get a friend to baby sit… at least that’s what her ego be on this lately tip,

It’s still a work in progress but kind of how I felt about the conversation. lol thanks for reading.