Tag: fear

Urgent!

I’ve been struggling with a sense of urgency towards the very craftmanship of my writing. I guess it’s penmanship? Anyway… so I want to get better at writing, but there’s a few avenues that I’d like to tackle, blogging with a better voice writing fiction with a better voice and also getting better at writing poetry/raps. But it feels like I’m tackling too many giants at once. Someone once said that it’s better to triple down on one thing instead of being half way pregnant in 12 different things. (I think it was Gary Vaynerchuk who said this.) I feel this is very true for the sake of faster progression in one craft.

Though at least one thing is clear, everything I’m interested in progressing has to do with writing, just three very different forms of writing. I love being able to bounce back and forth through the three mediums, however, it seems kind of distracting, as if I’m not getting very far in each medium because my attention or focus is divided. Which is kind of starting to drum up self doubt. What’s funny is, I’m starting to be ok with how I’m progressing. I think the main key to progress within one self is ultimately to fall in love with the process. I think a common pitfall for most people with building mastery in a craft is they probably tend to be a little too hard on themselves, and spend too much worrying about whether it will take them somewhere in the end.

I think the most important part is enjoying the growth as you go along and approaching it like a child. Where the sense of growth is more intuitive and less about whether your progression is impressing enough to outside perceptions. Letting your self breathe and express without worrying if what your doing has worth to other persons or entities. This approach is freeing in a way. Though, I would like to say that, while this method or whatever you wanna call it, is freeing it also doesn’t mean that one should expect growth without persistence, however it is just an opinion formulated by personal experience.

Yo I almost sound intelligent! Woop. Happy Friday y’all. Do what you love, love what you do. I finally get that expression!

Time waits for no one

Here it is, that blinking cursor taunting and tantalizing the writer inside me at the same time. Like a clock on the wall with its hand running along perpetually chasing the end of the battery life in the middle of the night not allowing you to sleep. Cept the blinking cursor can either be a curse or your best friend once the letters start moving that blinking line falling in sync with the loud ticking noise that only grows louder as each second passes stealing any chance of sleep you thought you were about to get. I replaced the wall clock to a silent ticker. Something about that incessant ticking just really bothers me some nights. Somehow though there’s still a ticking clock outside in the back patio. That isn’t my patio because I’m just a person residing in someone else’s house. An unwanted guest of unconditional love. An onyx goat who’s lost and needs to find the obsidian sheep and the rest of the herd.

I think back to sitting at a left turn light, wanting my car’s blinker to match directly on beat as the car in front of me’s blinker. It never works no matter how many times I spontaneously and haphazardly spawn that random thought in my head while at a left turn light.

Can you tell I haven’t the slightest clue what to write about?

I hung out with some good friends of mine this past July 4th, and while I had an ok time, I don’t know what it was… something was missing, you know that feeling when your leaving somewhere and you feel like you’ve left something behind but you don’t even know what?

Maybe that’s not even an accurate analogy. The feeling I’m feeling is at the moment hard to describe. Maybe it’s not even hard to describe but I’m using that as an excuse to string myself along for the ride. Including you, reader. Almost like a mild form of depression or something.

A lot of broken promises to myself. A lot of procrastination leading to boredom, leading to unfulfilled dreams and passions that’s collected dust and cobwebs over the past couple months. A lot of unnecessary over thinking.