Siri 1

Yo, its been a while since I’ve blogged anything, and to be honest I still don’t really know what I’m supposed to be writing in a blog specifically. Do I just write about my life?

Something totally caught me by surprise and that was last week, I made it super intentional to go see my sister! When you first read this it probably doesn’t sound that significant. I mean big deal right, some guy got to see his sister.

For me it was a pivotal moment in my life… only because I have 3 half siblings, and I’m not close to any of them. My biological father, for the sake of keeping things a bit on the private side we’ll name him Charles. Charles, wasn’t very present in my life as a child growing up. Anyway he was also a very promiscuous man, so he had me a child out of wedlock, and then married another woman when things fell apart between Charles and my mother, and had two children. Then for whatever reason he ended up leaving that woman and married another woman and had my currently 10 year old sister! Siri :D. (Thats not her actual name but it sounds similar and is spelled similar).

So a lot of what I do nowadays, Siri has become my driving “why”. Because I can see that she might be going through some similar pains of what I went through as a child. Kind of, hers is a bit different, but I refuse to let her go through life without a present role model. I feel like I don’t have any excuses not to be present, so I’ve started to develop a relationship with her mother. Its actually pretty interesting to me to hear all the troubles she has with Charles.

Charles has called me drunk before and told me about how he wanted me to take over his company (which is probably a sinking ship) so that he can ditch his family and leave! Anyway and then I get to hear her side (Siri’s Mother) of the story too especially when I made the intentional effort to go see my sister Siri and create a door to a relationship that wasn’t previously there.

I’ll tell you what though, listening with an emphatic ear is a super important skill. To listen without judgement and without the sense of needing to respond or give your own opinion really allows a person to connect with another person on a deeper level!

So, I don’t know if it was God… but… (it was God) when I decided I would make an effort to develop a deeper relationship with my 10 year old little sister Siri, I showed up to Charles’ mechanic shop with very little notice (I literally called Charles and said I was coming the next day to drop off gifts for my little sister, no ifs ands or buts lol), Siri’s mother Connie was there at the shop~!! which was the exact person that I wanted to contact! because I knew that if I were to be able to develop a deeper relationship with Siri I would have to first develop a relationship with her mother Connie!

Connie was telling me some heart breaking stuff about Charles. Though some of it I listen to with a grain of salt so to speak. Not that I don’t trust Connie, its just when jaded adults who’ve been in a toxic relationship with each other and talk shit to each other all the time, I feel like there’s so much pent up resentment and unspoken rage that sometimes the truth gets bent a little bit. I’ve learned over the years that people tend to over exaggerate things to get you on their side, or to get you to show contempt towards the person they are in qualms with.

Also understanding human psychology a bit more grants you a certain type of analytical power, you can kind of see peoples motives and get into their brains. what a trip, I understand the saying “Ignorance is Bliss” sometimes. Before when your not as aware you can just let a lot of the over analyzing just go right over your head. Which kind of offered a kind of you know, freedom I guess you could say, I’m probably describing it wrong but you know what I mean? A bit of solace almost ?

Nowadays I get in my head a lot with people that I meet and the people that I try to build relationships or rebuild relationships with. Anyway I’m going on the tangent. Let me digress and finish my experience with Siri.

So I bought a gift card for my sister Siri and I met with Connie at Charles’ mechanic shop, which at first she was kind of hesitant to let me give Siri gifts I think because she was saying like, Siri doesn’t need gifts she doesn’t know how to spend money and this, that, and the other. But I insisted, and remained persistent, but not in a pushy kind of way. Anyway on the ride to the mall she poured out all her feelings towards Charles lol. So in a sense I was able to play therapist for about 2 hours. BUT it was cool though and I enjoyed it very much because I was able to be an outlet for her. AND plus I was able to develop a relationship with Connie and Siri all in the span of a couple hours.

Connie and I went to go pick little Siri up at school and we went to the mall. Siri was closed off at first to me by giving me real short and curt answers to the questions I asked her. Usually non verbal answers by shrugging her shoulders or nodding and shaking her head. When we got to the mall, I found out something super magical about Siri. SHE LOVES TO READ BOOKS. MY MIND IS BLOWN.

Literally the day before this I was calling all the family members on Charles side of the family asking them if they knew anything about Siri, like her shoe size or favorite colors and things of that sort and no one really knew anything. I called my half sibling Preston, who had spent some time with little Siri, and I asked him if I should get Siri some books and he said well kids don’t typically read books anymore. LOL. So I didn’t get her any books.

BUT we ended up at a used book store in the mall! It was one of the first shops we came across upon entering the mall. And so we ended up going in there and she didn’t really end up finding any books that she liked, but I talked to the book store clerk and found some books for the both of us. Anyway so then we went to Zumiez and I presented her the 50$ gift card and ended up spending another 48$ on top of it, for a backpack, a champion hat, some champion socks, and I think a shirt? or something? I forgot.

So something magical happened when we were driving back to Charles’ shop after the mall. This was it, the pivotal moment everything I’ve been working for up until this moment really solidified my REASON for living at the moment.

We got back to Charles’ shop and Connie started to make plans with Charles for dinner, that maybe we all could go together. Well Charles said that he’s not gonna be done for another hour and a half or so at the shop and said we’d go around 6:30. So Connie turned to me and told me I could take Siri to Farmer’s Boys and get something to hold us over!

So… this was huge to me… I got to have some 1 on 1 time with Siri, and wow… we went to the Farmer’s boys and I got her some fries and myself a sandwich. I asked her if she wanted to take it back to the shop to eat, and she said “I don’t want to go back to the shop.” Apparently there’s some kind of negative feelings towards Charles shop.

OK so this is where the most magical moment in 2019 happened for me. Siri exploded into conversation with me! THIS WAS SUCH A HUGE THING FOR ME. I loved every moment of this half hour conversation or however long it was, to me it was kinda short. But she showed a lot of curiosity about me, and she was asking all kinds of questions and we had such a healthy conversation! I was so stoked, I went home that day absolutely glowing man like it was a private victory for me.

I get to have this now, and it’s because I’m steadily progressing on becoming a better person consistently. Yeah anyway I thought I would just share this small triumph in my world.

Many Opportunities

Not quite sure if this is where I should be going to just vent or talk about what’s been going on in my life. I suppose either way I’m writing and its a form of self introspection. Either way I’m growing as a writer as long as I continue to read and write and develop my voice in every aspect possible. Is that right? I’ve noticed that I haven’t been putting in the time to write or to read as of late, but noticing is the first step right? Then utilizing your free time and redirecting that to things that are more productive is the second step probably. I have been way more fulfilled and happy than I have been in a really long time. For about three years I was pretty sad, mostly because I was pretty stagnant in my life, just going to work and playing video games. Video games really saved my life though.

Anyway that’s a topic for another time…

Finally as I’m sitting at this Starbucks today, I got a regular looking schedule now. Though my weekends might be a little tied up, I’ve got two jobs that I can work now with a bit of time off still. I feel absolutely blessed. I was talking to this guy named Elvis from a church that I went to a couple Sundays because it’s a lot closer than my home church, and while I was talking to him, I mentioned all the different job opportunities I was getting and he was surprised because a lot of people were saying they were having trouble getting jobs. I guess I approached it in a different mind set you know? The way I saw it was I have to get a job and I’m going to get a job to keep my head above water, so I went out there everyday and woke up early af in the morning to submit applications and went to every job interview with a positive mental attitude, I figured eventually someone was gonna see the value in hiring me and sure enough a few companies did hire me.

Anxious

Yo, I woke up at 8:30 am today…. I feel like an ultra bum! I should have set an alarm! Tomorrow waking up at 4:30 for sure. Man 8:30… yesterday I woke up at 7:30… what is going on lol. Taco Bell sent me a text message, I don’t know if I should respond back or wait to see how Friday goes with Dots Cafe? I really want to go work for Dots Cafe… Simply because I really like the manager and the over vibe of the place, even though it does seem really busy there. Diana the hiring manager seemed so down to earth and so nice… Definitely can see myself working there for a while. I have an interview with Hot Topic today, hopefully that goes well? I’d much rather work at Dots Cafe though…


funny idea

I thought of a random idea today~ So, I’m sitting at this Starbucks and doing the job hunting thing, and well I’m sitting by the window facing the drive through where all these cars are passing me by. What if I had a board up that said I was searching for a job and that I would shovel and eat dirt for you! Please give me a call!!! I might as well put I have 3 kids to support too or something. LOL (I don’t actually have 3 kids) Anyway, it was just an interesting thought.

First Stumbling Block

Today I’m sitting at Dot’s Cafe. Absolutely clueless on what I’m doing with this blog by the way. I’m sure maybe a lot of people have felt the same way as me while starting to find and really build whatever it is that their passionate about. For me, its a lot of things. Currently though I guess there are more pressing matters at hand, like surfing the world of downtown Pasadena for a JOB (just over broke) to keep my bills paid (x__x). I was previously employed at Huy Fong Foods Inc, and for those who don’t know what that is, its the company that makes that popular hot sauce named Sriracha. You know that red bottle with the bright green cap.

Yeah, so funny thing, I was sitting at a Starbucks and I forgot what I was doing, probably doing social media related stuff, or reading a book or something and I got a call from this guy named John whom I had met at my job when I was working at Mcdonald’s. So, John offered me a job as a sales representative at this Hyundai Dealership! I was super excited and totally accepted on the spot, anyway right after I got off the phone with him, literally 10 seconds later I get a call from the Temp Agency in charge of my assignment and I was told that my assignment was over. SOOOOO here I am sitting at this coffee shop without a job and a new job offer. Bank account at like 200$ which was already accounted for because my car payment is 200$ every 2 weeks… so basically 0$. (luckily I had a last check which was 279$ so it put me up for a bit, but currently I’m back down to 67$ LOL)

So things didn’t work out with the Hyundai dealership, turns out I wasn’t fit for the team. Oh well, John was kind of flakey anyway… which I’m actually kind of glad I didn’t end up with him for a boss, even though he may have been an amazing friend. Doing my best to align my actions with my words, doesn’t exactly mean the world will align as well probably? Though I do believe that you attract more of who you are and what you think into your life, so its just as well that I didn’t get that job. I then just went with my instinct and drove to downtown Pasadena and went job hunting for the rest of the day and walked into a bunch of upscale restaurants. Sushi Roku actually asked me to come back for an interview right on the spot! The only restaurant that did ask for me to come back for an interview that day. AND!!! I would have never found this awesome spot named Dots Cafe.

I met Diana and Ron here, and didn’t even realize that Diana was one of the managers, anyway as I was starting this blog and making a post on instagram she came up to me and gave me her card and showed interest in hiring me to be a part of her team! I was amazed lol. I would love to work here actually if Sushi Roku’s vision doesn’t align with mine! Or maybe even I can work out a schedule where I work with Dots Cafe in the morning time a few days a week plus this Sushi Roku place! That would be UH MAY ZING!~ I need to memorize better synonyms for that word. SO THUS ENDS THE FIRST BLOG POST. DID I DO OK?

So to close off I’ll leave a piece with ya’ll I wrote this because a friend of mine called me and was in tears, and she was so upset and sad because of the relationship that she was in was debilitating and destroying her spirit. I offered some advice because I asked her at the beginning of the conversation if she just wanted an ear, someone to really listen, or if she wanted advice. She said she wanted some advice and so we talked for a while and the conversation wasn’t really going anywhere anytime soon. So the conversation ended abruptly because she had to go. So my emotions were like flying all the over the place, I had to write a piece. I called this Hadie’s Grip.

Hadies Grip

imprisoned by the vicelock of hadies grip, talking about how sad she is lately pissed, she said he loves her but has a way of being a shady dick, abusive physically and emotionally in this toxic relationship, I told her to pack your things and hastily dip, she said yeah I know but it’s not that easy, I still gotta take care of these kids,

 I said what about your family can’t they provide a hive for your tribe instead of looking for a way to be lit? Why does Thoughts of suicide and gettin high be the vibe that allows you to forget? She said her family doesn’t want anything to do with her because she won’t leave the guy that she’s with, and he provides enough money for her to get by but it stresses her out so she gotta be high to resist, meanwhile she’s so mortified by the man that’s supposed to be a source of love he turned the womans thought process into a vile fearful skit, and when her ego speaks it makes the bile within me twitch, because once upon a while she was an amazing beautiful gift, a blip of a once beautiful soul held inside of a self induced crypt, 

imprisoned by the vicelock of hadies grip, talking about how sad she is lately pissed, she said he loves her but has a way of being a shady dick, abusive physically and emotionally in this toxic relationship, I told her to pack her things and hastily dip, she said yeah I know but it’s not that easy, I still gotta take care of these kids.

She said she was on the verge of suicide and that she cried evenings by herself with a bottle of wine drinking till she’s sick, she said it’s so hard to get a grip and She’s so lonely she need some kind of fix, I said why don’t do you surround yourself with some more positive shit? Read a book, take a hike, write down some feelings that you got inside and develop some penmanship ? She said “I know I know I know” and continued talking about how shitty her life was and she wish she could just quit, feeling the way she does because she just wanted to work out the kinks in this relationship, and then she hung up and texted me quick, she said he’s back and don’t call or text me back and thank you for taking me away from my trip, 

imprisoned by the vicelock of hadies grip, talking about how sad she is lately pissed, she said he loves her but has a way of being a shady dick, abusive physically and emotionally in this toxic relationship, I told her to pack her things and hastily dip, she said yeah I know but it’s not that easy, I still gotta take care of these kids.

There was so much more I wanted to say about the situation like ease up and take it slow, that there was a way to stitch up the soul , that’s broken and cradled by her ego, I wanted to mention all the different ways to build a positive lifestyle through association and growth, through artistry and characters like mr Edgar Allen Poe, that drowning in all them chemicals, is just temporarily filling up all them holes, that chemicals corrode and evaporate and leave you with a bigger hole, allowing only change in the state of your body and mind in intervals. Inhibiting true growth through spiritual pinnacles, like elevating through meditation abolishing perceptions of the cynical, to deviate from the fleeting caress of substances commonly mistaken as a mineral, as death inches closer like a giant tentacle…

Imprisoned by the vice lock of hadies grip, enamored by the song of a crazy script, she wants out but is too far into this hazy trip, she wants out but it’s too much effort to get a friend to baby sit… at least that’s what her ego be on this lately tip, 

It’s still a work in progress but kind of how I felt about the conversation. lol thanks for reading.